Really? Buca? Again?

Birthday Season will soon be upon me, and when it arrives, I will be barraged with invitations to overpriced, fatty dinners and expected to provide gifts I can't afford and drinks I should not enjoy. Call me an a-hole, but I am totally over the 20-person dinner where we each pay extra to cover the birthday boy/girl, and pay an additional $10 to cover the Piña Colada that douchenozzle brother-in-law-of-the-birthday-boy had. What jerkfaced American came up with this tradition? They don't do this in Europe, you know -- and Europeans are SMARTER than us. Each person has her/his OWN birthday dinner and s/he pays for it his/herSELF. So you don't end up paying upwards of $700 per year on various birthday outings--birthday outings, I might add, that take place in or around venues you would never EVER visit of your own accord, like Ed Debevics or Buca DiBeppo or FUCKING HOOTERS (REALLY? HOOTERS? YES, REALLY). You also find yourself subsequently weighing the value of your friendship with the value of your time (two hours waiting, despite the fact that you made a reservation, plus 2 hours for dinner, and then maybe another hour standing in line somewhere) and money (remember douchenozzle?--oh, and then there's parking, and cover) and wondering if the friendship could withstand your flaking on the party the following year. "You know, I really don't even KNOW him very well anymore. And how many times did he call so we could hang out this whole year? Like twice? He doesn't even make an effort. I can't believe I spent all that money on a Best Buy gift card so he could buy a stupid video game. What a dick."

I will never again do the no-host dinner thing. I like my friends too much.